Excerpts from Famous Fables Told Right

From the Foreword by Dr. Ben Carson:

Aesop’s fables have always been very close to my heart, both literally and figuratively. I must admit I’ve never understood why he spelled his name the way he did, or exactly how to pronounce it, but I’ve always admired the way he could find deep meaning in a simple story about a dog or a bug or whatever, and the way he translated those ideas into easy-to-follow life lessons. I relied on those lessons countless times when I was separating conjoined twins or operating on somebody’s brain.

From "The Boy Who Cried Wolf," as told by George W. Bush:

It’s hard work when someone tells you there’s a wolf at the door and you gotta go hunt him down before he takes out all the sheep. Nobody wants to be told something like that and then find out there might be a few misconsistencies in the story.

From "The Tortoise and the Hare," as told by Sarah Palin:

And so if you’re wondering what the moral of all this is, it’s like: Don’t go runnin’ your mouth off about all the stuff you think you can accomplish, like the turtle did and also like Barack Obama did when he ran against me, because it’ll come back to bite you big time.

From "The Dog and Its Reflection," as told by Donald Trump:

So the little guy does exactly what you’d expect—he tries to grab the other dog’s bone so he can have two great bones for himself. Like I told you, this dog’s no idiot. But when he opens his mouth to get the fake bone, the real one drops in the pool and sinks to the bottom. Poor doggie, right? He should probably just take his losses and walk away with his tail between his legs, right? No offense, but if that’s your response to the dog’s problem, you have a very bad mindset.

From "The Lion and the Mouse," as told by Ann Coulter:

A field mouse climbed onto a sleeping lion and started running up and down its back. Why? How the hell should I know? Maybe it had some sort of weird fetish. Who knows.

From "The Ant and the Grasshopper," as told by Bill O'Reilly:

Then on the other hand you’ve got Grasshopper, and he’s a real piece of work. Lazy, irresponsible, underachieving type. You know what I’m talking about. Probably raised by hippies who were always telling him how special he was but never bothered teaching him any kind of personal responsibility. Just a sorry excuse for an insect.

From "The Eagle, the Cat, and the Wild Sow," as told by Rick Perry:

Oops.